Ouch...That Hurt

Hey
Its hard to fail...Its harder to get up and face failure. Everytime something goes wrong there are 100 of people who will console youa nd tell you that it happened for the best..that you have better things coming in your future. But screw the future, what about the present? What do I do now?

I dint get into the early round offers!! Thats it the plain hard truth thats gonna make me crib,cry and whine for days to come..At every point in these last 8 months i have seen friends move ahead with life while im stuck in a dead end..My job was one way for me to leave all that at one point of time..to ignore the fact that my education was put on a hold..But then what did i do? I chucked the job..Why? It wasnt a stable job, it was causing problems at home, It was causing relationship crisis. Im tired of all this..tired of chucking everything that comforts me because of someone else. 3 years ago before i even knew what was going on i was told that i had to study to australia so i built myself in such a way where i only looked at universities there,where i told the whole world that i would not go anywhere but there..Its come to a point where i know that even though i would love to stay in dubai and study and live my comfortable normal life..I cant do it!! Because of people,beacuse of my parents,because of my own expectations. But i cant even be sure that im going because here i am with no admission letter in my hand while the rest of the world is in university studying,enjoying and bloody hell accomplishing somethin in life.

Im honestly tired of hearing "dont worry its gonna be ok" "be positive" "everything happens for the best"...Yes easier said than done..Why cant anyone just shut up and let me went out all this frustration..Everywhere i went in europe all i prayed for was this admission..for the last one month ive dedicated myself to praying for this..Now i know you may think its selfish to only think of god when i need him but its not like that..All my life i believed that the best way to talk to god was in simple normal conversation..that prayer jsut made everythin to formal..but early this year after facing dissapointment in my grade 12 results i realised that maybe when you really need something then God only listens to the normal set prayers..so i listened to my mom..I prayed..with all my heart,soul and mind..And now im trying my best to keep praying..to not loose hope and faith..to still believe that yes he will do what is right is for me..Eventually!!

Screw all this now..Im gonna eat cuz i feel like im gonna fall now..im gonna loose myself in wedding preperations and ignore everyones questions about where im going and when im going...Im not going to be happy immediately..but eventually ill deal with it..and in the meanwhile everyone around me better cooperate..Otherwise..When im upset and angry..theres a side of me that noone especially the aussie unis and the dont worry type of people want to see.

Thanks for letting me went here

xoxo
P